Time Heals All Wounds Essay Help
Clichés like “it will get better with time” are usually quite true, but rarely worth saying aloud when someone is crying or in the extra fresh stages of grief.
When my husband left, it wasn’t a clean break. It was an extended, complicated, emotional, professional and economic hurricane. I bring this up not to start a contest about whose divorce was worst, but to explain that my season of grief, confusion, and desperation was not tidy or short.
To put it bluntly, I was needy for a long time as I struggled to get financial, emotional, and spiritual stability.
Some people are naturally pretty skilled at engaging hurting people, but most of us, especially when confronted with a loss we haven’t personally experienced, feel fairly confused about what to say and do.
My dad died when I was a kid, so divorce wasn’t the first huge loss I had encountered, or the first time I had experienced people who didn’t know what to say to me about my life circumstances.
When I went through separation and divorce, some people were helpful and some people were not.
Even at the time, I envisioned writing some sort of instruction manual for friends wanting to help a grieving, wounded, heart-broken mom trying to unravel and recover from the end of a relationship. I never imagined I would actually have a place to share those thoughts.
Here, at Simple Mom, seems to be the right place; a community of caring, determined people, who seem to truly want to grow and improve their own life and the lives of those around them with both external and internal simplicity.
But living simply doesn’t just mean clutter-free kitchens or an un-rushed schedule for its own sake, right? We desire to live simply, in order to live authentically and be available for genuine relationships. And that means not ignoring the realities of grief and pain.
And so, at the risk of making generalizations, but with the hope of giving some guidance to those who truly desire to love a grieving single parent in their life, I give you this list of suggestions. It is my hope that because of these words, a few single moms and dads will get loved a little better by those around them.
1) Say this out loud directly to your friend:
“I really care about you. I know that you’re hurting but I don’t know what would be helpful right now. What do you need?”
It is true that not every hurting person knows exactly what they need, and that’s okay. But many do know, and just need to be asked by a safe person.
I felt most loved when people acknowledged that I was in deep pain, that they wanted to do something, but they were also aware they didn’t know what would be helpful to me.
We all need different things when grieving. The differences in the children’s ages and life stages also come into play.
One woman may be an introvert and be desperate for some time away from her children to process. Another may crave some verbal processing. One parent may not want other people cooking for her, but would appreciate just doing an outdoor activity with another family for some variety.
If you ask, and they know a specific way they would feel loved, then great! If they don’t know or they are too overwhelmed in that moment, suggest that they think about it, and let them know they can contact you. Mention you’ll follow up to check in again if that’s okay with them.
If they don’t have a reply, then you have at least communicated your interest and availability to help and care for them. That opens up conversations and space for love to flow.
2) Do not offer to do something unless you’re going to do it.
Let me repeat that. Do not make a promise to do something, or make any offers, unless you are committed to follow through to the best of your ability.
Remember that you are dealing with a person who, no matter the specifics of her circumstances, has experienced some intense rejection and abandonment, to say the least. You can cause more pain if you offer to help just because you think it’s polite or you don’t know what else to say.
If you genuinely can’t babysit, or hang out, or whatever, that’s totally okay. Take a deep breath and be aware of your limitations and boundaries. And then be honest.
If you have your own life mess happening and you can’t be available to her, be honest about that as sensitively as you can, or simply don’t make any promises you know you can’t follow through on.
If you have no capacity to babysit or drop her off at the mechanic, that’s fine. Offer what you can, and if you can’t offer much… guess what. She probably understands since she feels like she has so little to offer, too!
3) Say positive things out loud, but be wary of clichés and assumptions.
There are things that are obvious to you that may or may not be obvious to the hurting parent in front of you. When appropriate, speak aloud, but tread gently. This may include but not be limited to:
• I think you are a great mother.
• I really don’t mind just being here with you, even if you don’t feel like talking.
• This experience will not define your life. But, you don’t need to be in a rush to feel “better.”
• I’m proud of you for all the energy you are investing in your child(ren) even in this tragic time.
• It hurts me to see you hurting and I really care about you.
• If you think of a way I can help you out, please don’t hesitate to let me know.
• It’s okay to need help. It’s okay that you can’t survive this season of life alone.
• I want to be here for you to process this if you want to, and even though I may not understand exactly what you’re going through, I just really care about you.
I know every single parent has very different circumstances, children, and personality, but I hope this is helpful for a few people who have desired to know how to engage with a fellow parent experiencing the end of a relationship.
What’s something helpful that someone else said or did for you when you were experiencing loss?
Time heals all wounds
Stop worrying and start living.
Next time you're feeling hopeless, remember that time heals all wounds. You must believe that things will get better. Everything in life is temporary. Whether things are going good or going bad, keep in mind that it won't last forever. This is from an optimist's point of view. Even if you are able to always hope for a better future, you cannot expect a better future to be nothing but smooth sailing.
Ways to let go of painful memories
1. Acknowledge mistakes
2. Gain big-picture perspective
3. Give yourself time to recover
Life has Ups and Downs. On Your Journey to Happiness Never Forget that Time Heals All Wounds. Enjoy the Good and Hang in There through the Bad
Completely letting go isn't easy.
Time tends to heal emotional wounds more slowly than physical wounds. Like in case of significant physical wounds, they often leave a scar that never quite fully heals.
1. People make mistakes
When your trust is broken, it is hard to put the pieces back together. You can keep ties, but that one instance remains in the back of your mind. To fully forgive and forget, it's important to understand that people make mistakes.
Anyone you feel deserves to be your friend should deserve more than one chance to prove themselves. So don't be so quick to dismiss people based on one experience and let time decide what happens.
If you stop and think for a moment, you'll realize that our mistakes are inevitable. We will continue making them, and we will forget about past mistakes we have made. So why are we so critical of other people's mistakes? We need to be more forgiving and understanding. Don't expect someone else to do a job that only you know how to do perfectly. It takes a strong woman to own up to her mistakes, and it takes an even stronger woman to forgive others for their mistakes. Do both of these and watch people start to do the same for you in return. Time will heal whatever mistakes you have made.
Never make the same mistake twice
Part of the mourning process of a painful memory means never having to experience the pain a second time. Those memories etched in our minds of our own misfortune should be stored as far back in the mind as possible; but not so far back that you repress that memory. Because if you forget about your mistakes, then you don't learn from them and you keep making them over and over again. It's normal to make mistakes, but it's counterintuitive to keep making the same mistake over again. Even though it may be painful, it's important to have those unfortunate memories remembered and accounted for. If we don't learn from our past then we can't improve our future.
Learn from your mistakes
Some people never learn from their mistakes, and thus the healing process takes longer for them. Compare it to wounds that never heal. Someone just keeps picking at it so the scab is forced to turn into a scar that will show permanently for life. This is how mistakes work sometimes; if you don't learn from your mistakes then they have a tendency to become chronic problems. Oftentimes they can cause chronic health problems or just serve as a pain in your side until you address the problem. Forgetting painful memories is difficult, but becomes easier when you start learning from your mistakes.
2. Sometimes All That's Required is a Wake-Up Call
After a bad experience, we all need time to recover. Whether it's by yourself or with others, find things you enjoy doing to pass the time during a down-point in your life. Even unproductive activity, like watching cartoons, is much better than lying in bed thinking about how awful your life is at the moment.
When things are going bad and you ruminate in negative thoughts for too long, sometimes you need a wake-up call. Whether it's a friend or a movie to guide you out of your funk, understand that things aren't all that bad. Sometimes putting your life in perspective compared to the rest of the world can make your own problems seem small in comparison.
Gain some perspective
A little bit of perspective never hurt anybody. There are many ways to wake yourself up to a painful truth and harsh reality. The truth is the hardest pill to swallow. But once you begin to accept things for the way they are, you will move on eventually. It just takes time heal everything in order to find the perspective in it. Having a carefree attitude also helps in the process. In order to see the light side of life, you have to be willing to laugh at yourself as well as others. Life shouldn't be so serious all the time.
A simple reminder
Confusion is darkness and understanding is the light that shows us the way during the night. It's important to understand the truth in times of crisis so that we can avoid the painful memories. Time is the one thing we will always have on our side. A wake-up call could be found in almost anything. A simple reminder that time heal all wounds and that life is short can do a lot to keep us motivated to move on from a painful past.
3. How Long Will it Take to Recover?
There is no one answer for the timeframe to recover from all of life's problems and emotional stress; it depends on the situation. Time always does its job in helping with healing. The question is: are you doing your job of leaving your past behind? Or are you using it as an excuse to isolate yourself? Healing happens unconsciously and unexpectedly when you start noticing the happier things in life. All of a sudden, everything doesn't seem so bleak and you can let out a laugh every once in a while.
Be patient and understand that the healing process isn't always as quick as we want it to be. Hang in there and remember that there are many ways to fill the void that others leave.
Anger, depression, and remorse are some of the feelings we get after thinking about our recent breakup. Think of it this way: the relationship couldn't have been that great or you two wouldn't have broken up. Forget about getting back together; it's time to start thinking about how to let go of painful memories such as getting over him. "Trial separation" under any circumstance usually makes very little difference in fixing the relationship. Two mature people, who love and respect each other should never require an extended amount of time apart to fix their problems. So once you get over a breakup, forget about it and let nature take its course.
Don't sweat the small things
Time heals all wounds when it comes to relationships. If there is tension, frustration, or worry, let it all go. Start doing things that aren't related to your relationship and let time solve everything. Best case scenario is that he contacts you. Worst case is he doesn't. If he doesn't, no point in worrying about that either, as the relationship must have never been that strong to begin with. Misunderstanding is the number one cause of failed relationships. The solution: let the small stuff slide and enjoy your time together. Most relationship problems can be solved through having a life outside of your relationship to fall back on.
Easy come, easy go is one life motto that you've probably heard. Friends come and go like the wind. Of course it's important to nurture each friendship with care and occasionally rekindle good times with old friends. Nonetheless, don't put too much emphasis in one friendship to the point when you are putting all your eggs in one basket. Expand your social circle and leave all of your options open. People you think as good friends could be gone one day and a stranger becomes a good friend the next.
Friendships come and go
After high school or university, people's lives change quickly and drastically. In your adolescent years and young adulthood nothing really lasts forever. Respect others' choices and foster their growth and they will want to keep you in their lives. Ask them why they seem distant, question their choices and you will push them even further away .
The death of friendship is one thing, but the actual death of a person close to you is in another ballpark entirely. Most probably that is the most traumatizing experience someone can have early in their life. There will always be feelings of sadness, anger, depression, and remorse in lost lives. Instead of asking yourself what more you could have done, focus on the positive moments you shared. If that person really loved you, they wouldn't want you to feel guilty in any way about their passing away. If you can remember the first time someone passed away that you loved, feel free to share your experience in the comment box. Does that emotional wound ever heal? If it does, how to move on and how to let go? Do you think that time heals all wounds?
Time heals all and acceptance
Your life is a complex puzzle, where all the pieces eventually fall in place. It's not an overnight process. However, if you can learn to accept things the way they are, then time heals all. Trust the process; spend your life worrying less and living more.